I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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