Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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