I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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