So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
birth control should be required to get into college
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
