He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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