Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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