I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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