If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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