I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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