I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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