I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
