Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
