i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
