you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
