I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
