My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
