look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
