I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
