fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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