the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
