Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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