plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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