I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
