a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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