Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
