I cockslap morals
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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