and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
