Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
