Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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