Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
