Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
