God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
