She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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