For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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