he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Rumble strips road head = magical
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
