I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
