I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
