So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
