I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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