Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
