How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
