Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
