My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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