Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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