My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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