the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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