Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
