Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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