Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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