Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
