Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
