Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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