A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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