Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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